17 May 2013

Retail Rant

An open letter to every single one of the retail establishments and restaurants I visited yesterday--and any future day...
  • No, I do not have or want another Customer Loyalty or Rewards Account.
  • No thank you, I don't need an explanation of the wonderful benefits.
  • No, I won't give you my personal email or telephone number.
  • When you see my credit card, please do not call me Marielle.
  • Don't call me by any name. Corporate is wrong. Over familiarity is alienating, not loyalty-building.
  • A simple smile and polite acknowledgement is sufficient.
  • No, I do not want to complete your survey or the survey of every retail establishment I have frequented today. I'm willing to miss out on the sweepstake's drawing. I might be bought for $5 or a free beverage. Doubt it.
  • I may need 3 seconds to deal with my change, credit card, receipt, packages. Please wait 3 seconds before summoning the next customer. It's awkward moving, carrying, juggling all at the same time.
If you are my waiter...
  • Please do not ignore my table while standing around and chatting to co-workers. I came into your restaurant because I am hungry. And tired.
  • Please do not stand next to my table holding my food while side-tracked into conversation with yet another co-worker. I am hungry. And tired.
  • Do I really have to ask for water? Or more than one thin, paper napkin?
  • And really, when did cheap olive oil taste better than real butter. Bring the butter.
Drive-through employees...
  • If I had wanted "fries with that" I'd have ordered them. Americans are fat enough, don't force it.
  • One napkin is never sufficient when eating in your car.
  • Don't hand me a dripping beverage. I only have one (or none) napkin and fries are greasy.
  • Super-sizing and combos are never a good idea, no matter what corporate suggests. Americans are fat enough, don't force it.
  • Coins have never, ever balanced well when stacked on paper money, mid-air. Coins first, paper bills second.

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