Retail Rant

An open letter to every single one of the retail establishments and restaurants I visited yesterday--and any future day...

 

Cashiers...

• No, I do not have or want another Customer Loyalty or Rewards Account.
• No thank you, I don't need an explanation of the wonderful benefits.
• No, I won't give you my personal email or telephone number.
• When you see my credit card, please do not call me Marielle.
• Don't call me by any name. Corporate is wrong. Over familiarity is alienating, not loyalty-building.
• A simple smile and polite acknowledgement is sufficient.
• No, I do not want to complete your survey or the survey of every retail establishment I have frequented today. I'm willing to miss out on the sweepstake's drawing. I might be bought for $5 or a free beverage. Doubt it.
• I may need 3 seconds to deal with my change, credit card, receipt, packages. Please wait 3 seconds before summoning the next customer. It's awkward moving, carrying, juggling all at the same time.

 

 

If you are my waiter...

• Please do not ignore my table while standing around and chatting to co-workers. I came into your restaurant because I am hungry. And tired.
• Please do not stand next to my table holding my food while side-tracked into conversation with yet another co-worker. I am hungry. And tired.
• Do I really have to ask for water? Or more than one thin, paper napkin?
• And really, when did cheap olive oil taste better than real butter. Bring the butter.

 

 

Drive-through employees...

• If I had wanted "fries with that" I'd have ordered them. Americans are fat enough, don't force it.
• One napkin is never sufficient when eating in your car.
• Don't hand me a dripping beverage. I only have one (or none) napkin and fries are greasy.
• Super-sizing and combos are never a good idea, no matter what corporate suggests. Americans are fat enough, don't force it.
• Coins have never, ever balanced well when stacked on paper money, mid-air. Coins first, paper bills second.